fighting couple need conflict connexusWhen you need Conflict Collaboration

You know the situation that commonly occurs. Two people (maybe husband and wife, maybe work colleagues) are arguing, fighting, maybe even coming to blows.

A third person, who may not even know either of the disputing parties, concerned that one person is being hurt, steps in to intervene to “save” them.

Suddenly, the “good Samaritan” is targeted by both parties, who then join in a concerted often vicious attack on the intervener.  It’s strange but true.

Why would the person who is being “rescued” switch and join with the aggressor to not just prevent, but punish the interloper from providing assistance?

This energetic encounter is the basis of “conflict collaboration”. We call it Conflict Connexus.


We use the same process in negotiation (with one or many) opponents to form a “collaborative connection” with our “attacker”.  That is, when faced with a contest or conflict, we join with the opponent to attack (ourselves) except we are not standing against them but with them!  That is Conflict Collaboration in action. Confusing?

When allayed against an opponent our chances of success are limited, and particularly against a stronger opponent, or even many opponents they are greatly diminished.  The chance of being overwhelmed and finished off, through their greater power of resources, money, connections is concerning.

Professor Ueshiba the Master of Aikido taught that:

The Art of Peace is the principle of non-resitance.
Because it is non-resistant it is victorious from the beginning.
Those with evil intentions or contentious thoughts are vanquished.
The Art of Peace is invincible because it contends with nothing.

Aikido is the physical manifestation of the use of “conflict collaboration”.

How does one do this?  By Accept, Balance and Connect.

Accept. The first step is to let go the adversarial approach and Accept that what your opponent says is right. For them.

Acceptance is following their thinking their attitude, without analysis or understanding. You can accept it on that basis, even if you do not agree.

Balance. The other party may not be asking or calling for our help, but we join with them anyway. We are at one with them.

Balance is the skill to move from two separate entities or energies to one separated but “balanced” whole. It is similar to the skilful waiter or salesperson who is able to move from the position of “selling” someone something to being part of the search to assist them to find what they are looking for.

Connect. When we are engaged they are helpless to refuse, as it is their own energy we are partnered with.  We are “walking’ in their moccasins, but while they are still wearing them!

We engage in deep connection by following their intentions, not by examining their thought processes.  We understand not by “getting inside their head” but by being willing to join their energy.

Once engaged we are able to lead them.
It is our moral fortitude to lead them onto a path of salvation, not death.